


Why Won't Anybody Think of the Salad?!

by ChillieBean



Series: Misadventures of the Watchpoint [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, R76 mention, busted!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:52:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12646482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillieBean/pseuds/ChillieBean
Summary: After a three week mission, the only thing that stands in the way of Jesse getting his hands on Hanzo is this debriefing.Four agonising hours later and now late in the evening, having his way with Hanzo in the briefing room is a good idea, right?





	Why Won't Anybody Think of the Salad?!

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya folks!
> 
> So this has been sitting on the back burner for a while, believe it or not the only thing holding me back was the 'story'.
> 
> I mean, it's a pwp, we're not here for the story! But my writer mind needed to come up with a whole story about the mission which I'll never ever cover.
> 
> Inspired by [part two](https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/in-front-of-my-salad-again?utm_term=.xiDL9abWA#.wiBAK3LQ4) of the "Right in front of my salad?!" meme.
> 
> A massive thanks to Magisey for not only betaing, but back and forthing about the logistics of this fic. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Jesse lets out a long, drawn out sigh as he leans against the wall. He hooks his thumbs in his belt, hands resting on the absolutely necessary and the right side of large 'BAMF' belt buckle. Bringing his right leg up, he rests the flat of the foot against the wall as he tilts his head back, shifting his hat upwards annoyingly. He steps away, readjusting the tan stetson on his head and continues pacing up and down the hallway.

It is late into the evening; Jesse doesn't know how late now. He's been pacing up and down the corridor now for probably an hour? He didn't exactly take note of the time he started loitering.

Making what could be his five hundredth pass of the briefing room door, the fluorescent overhead lights down the length of the corridor dim, a predictability every night which indicates it is in fact eleven p.m.

Jesse looks from the fluorescents to the small display beside the briefing room door; glowing softly with the Overwatch logo. "Thanks Athena," Jesse mumbles quietly, acting as if the artificial intelligence  _ intentionally  _ dimmed the lights to shoo him away.

He continues his relentless pacing, spurs jangling softly with each step; the only noise filling the quiet corridor on this side of the Watchpoint. Everyone else would be either already in their quarters and asleep, or working late into the night, in Angie's case he would imagine.

That leaves him, and the small group of people on the other side of the briefing room door. His heart rate is through the roof, and he can barely keep the excitement at bay. Hanzo has been on a mission for the last three weeks with Genji, Jack and Mei. Reconnaissance in Beijing and Shanghai, keeping an eye on a known Talon base and suspected warehouse after increased chatter in the area.

Communication had been limited as radio silence was required for a large part of the mission. The handful of times they managed to talk, it would devolve into sex of some descript. Not as often as Jesse would have liked, to be perfectly honest.

Right now, the team was debriefing with Winston and Ana, and they have been in there for the last three and a half hours.

Jesse stops pacing for a moment, staring at the door and listening out for anything which would indicate the meeting is coming to a close. He huffs, the soundproof walls and doors of the Watchpoint, while fantastic at keeping moaning and slapping of skin against skin safely contained within rooms, were at this moment in time downright annoying.

He continues his pacing, wondering if he should just go back to his quarters. Perhaps he should leave a note on Hanzo's door, telling him a certain charming cowboy is waiting for him, ready to kiss and lick and devour him. He would keep the note strictly professional though; they are trying to keep  _ this _ under wraps as best they can.

He briefly entertains the thought of perhaps waiting for Hanzo  _ in  _ his quarters. He would wait on Hanzo's bed, dressed in nothing but serape, boots and hat, throbbing cock in hand, telling him he’s late for his dick appointment. He chuckles to himself and commits that to memory because  _ that  _ image in his mind is just too sexy to pass up.

He can almost see the sly smirk and the accompanying single eyebrow raise Hanzo would give; something he does whenever Jesse says something positively filthy.

Jesse closes his eyes, pulling the image from memory. Fuck, he's missed that look.

With a grunt, he adjusts his erection pressing uncomfortably in his jeans. He would like to say that it had only just been bothering him now, but it has been a mighty annoying and currently unwanted bother for the past thirty minutes when his mind kept supplying him of images of Hanzo pinned between him and the bed, moaning his name into the pillow.

Exhaling sharply through his nose, he curses himself for having those thoughts again. Dick now straining in his jeans, he tries to readjust it again and it twitches under his touch. He can feel a subtle dampness, and great, now he's leaking precome.

Huffing, he rests his forearms against the wall, pressing his forehead to his closed fists. He wants to wait for Hanzo but honestly, if he waits any longer, he is likely to ejaculate in his pants untouched like a horny teenager.

The beep from the touchpad was the only warning given before the door opened, Jack stepping through. He glances at Jesse, and Jesse’s primal flight response kicks in. He steps away from the wall, readjusting his hat on his head before breaking out in an easy grin.

"Jack, welcome back. I was just passin' on through." He hopes his radiating confidence saves him from this, because of course the door opens when he  _ wasn't  _ pacing.

Jack grunts, eyeing him up and down. "Sure you were," the only completely expected gruff words he speaks before he sulks away, heading towards crew quarters.

From there, Genji and Mei proceed out, talking between themselves. Mei waves wearily before she yawns wide, covering her mouth with her hand on the tail end of it.

"Cowboy," Genji greets, stopping for a brief moment to glance back into the briefing room. He cocks his head to the right, and Jesse could see the shit eating grin hidden under the faceplate. He looks at Mei, saying, "I'll catch up with you tomorrow," as she only nods and lifts her glasses on her head, rubbing her watery eyes.

"Good night," she mumbles before practically dragging her feet down the corridor, also towards crew quarters.

"'Night darlin'," Jesse calls, looking at Genji who crosses his arms across his chest and leans with his shoulder against the wall. Jesse mirrors the action, the open doorway to the briefing room between them. "What?"

"Waiting for Hanzo?" Genji asks, and Jesse can hear the amusement on his voice.

"Was just passin' on through, actually."

"Sure." Genji extends the word out a few seconds for good measure.

Jesse shrugs. "Believe what you want." He taps his fingers on his bicep impatiently. What the hell was taking so long now? He fights the near unrelenting urge to glance through the door, instead keeping his eyes squarely trained on Genji.

After a few moments of silence in this impromptu staring contest, Jesse  _ finally  _ hears footsteps. Ana steps out first, followed by Hanzo and then Winston, who remains in the doorway.

"Jesse," Ana says, looking between him and Genji.

"Ana." Jesse tips his hat. "Lovely evening."

She hums, glancing at Hanzo. "I hope we didn't keep you waiting too long." Fuck, was he that easy to read? Jesse looks at Hanzo as he walks between himself and Genji, standing by Jesse's side.

"Was just passin' on through, ma'am," Jesse says tipping his hat again. He instantly regrets that, wincing as Ana chuckles. Yep, he was incredibly easy to read, he only calls Ana 'ma'am' when busted doing something he shouldn't.

"Uh-huh," Genji says, standing to full height. "You keep telling yourself that." Genji laughs and takes a back step as Hanzo takes a step forward.

"Well, have a good night," Ana says, smirk on her face before she turns to leave. Genji walks in step with her, and they share a conversation as they walk away.

"Jesse, Hanzo," Winston says, stepping into the corridor and looking between them. "Have a good night," he adds, nodding before glancing past them.

"You too, big fella," Jesse says, standing to the side, as does Hanzo, allowing the ape to knuckle-walk past them, heading to his lab no doubt.

Standing on opposite sides of the corridor, Jesse looks at Hanzo, pulling his hat off his head. "Welcome home."

Hanzo slinks forward silently, placing a hand on Jesse's belt buckle and pulling him into the briefing room. He slams his hand on the panel and the door closes behind them, before he pushes Jesse against the table, shifting under his weight.

Something clatters to the floor, but Jesse pays it no mind as Hanzo places a hand on Jesse's chest, pushing him down flat on the table. Jesse sets his hat down on the table as he eyes the man above him, pupils blown wide and biting his lip. Placing his hands on Hanzo's thick biceps, Jesse squeezes the muscle, realising just now how much he missed that tattoo.

"I have missed you," Hanzo says, voice low and husky as he rolls his hips against Jesse's groin.

Jesse's hips buck, chasing that delicious friction. A low moan escapes Hanzo's lips as he presses down, lips meeting Jesse's, kissing him hard as he continues grinding. A rushed mess of tongue, Jesse cups the back of his head, fingers weaving through his tied up hair. He pulls on the bun, and Hanzo lets out the most alluring sound as he parts from Jesse.

"I've fuckin' missed you so much," Jesse whispers, untying Hanzo's hair, falling to the right side of his face. He brushes his fingers through it, still damp from his earlier shower. Cupping the back of his head once more, he feels the shortened hairs of his undercut beneath his fingertips, exploring every favourite thing he has been unable to do for the last three weeks.

"I assume you come prepared?" Hanzo asks, smirk teasing the corners of his lips.

Jesse waggles his eyebrows, reaching into his jeans pocket for the small bottle of lube, waving it in front of Hanzo. "Always, hannybee." He sets the bottle on the table, sitting up as Hanzo stands. "I was thinkin'," Jesse starts, placing his hands on Hanzo's hips, "it's late. No one's gonna come by here anytime soon." He teases up Hanzo's t-shirt, fingers exploring the muscle underneath before he presses soft kisses to his abs. "We could take our time."

Hanzo pulls his t-shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor Jesse gets to work on his cargo pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them before pulling them and his boxer briefs down enough to get his cock free. Half hard, Jesse holds it in his hand and tugs slowly, taking almost no time before he's completely hard.

Placing a hand on the small of Hanzo's back, Jesse switches positions, pushing Hanzo against the table. Jesse falls to his knees, hiking Hanzo's pants all the way down before taking Hanzo's cock into his mouth. He can't help but smile, best he can with a dick in his mouth anyway, when Hanzo curses in Japanese, throwing his head back.

Jesse pulls away as Hanzo readjusts, leaning back and resting on his elbows on the table. Jesse uses the opportunity to take Hanzo's pants and underwear, tossing the bundle aside. Hand firmly grabbing the base of Hanzo's cock, he pumps slowly, using his spit as lubrication. Once settled, Jesse takes Hanzo in his mouth again, tongue running on the underside of his cock as he hollows his cheeks and swirls his tongue around the glans.

He bobs up and down absent of his hand, using both to instead work on unclasping his belt buckle. He unbuttons and unzips his jeans, flesh hand reaching inside his boxer briefs as he takes hold of himself with a firm grip.

He runs his thumb over his leaking slit, the sensitivity bordering on painful as he spreads it, cock twitching under the touch. He swirls his tongue over Hanzo's glans once more, stopping as Hanzo grabs a handful of his hair and pulls back.

Jesse groans as he slowly pulls away from Hanzo, giving a couple more licks to his slit as Hanzo sits up. He reluctantly lets go of himself as Hanzo grasps at the red serape, lifting it from Jesse's shoulders and laying it on the table next to him.

From there, Hanzo places his hands on Jesse's shoulders before trailing down his biceps and forearms, grabbing his hands. He is pulled to standing as Hanzo stands. Fingers ghosting his chest, Hanzo works on unbuttoning Jesse's shirt. Jesse can see the look of steely determination on Hanzo' face, and the man is clearly fighting the urge to just rip the shirt open; something the two of them have discussed as Jesse had lost four shirts that way.

Once the shirt is unbuttoned, Hanzo places his hands on Jesse's shoulders and slips it off, falling to the ground behind him. Before Jesse can even think, his pants are hiked down to his knees and Hanzo's lips are wrapped around his cock. He relishes in the warm wet of Hanzo's mouth, his tongue running the underside of his cock. It takes all his willpower not to grab his head and fuck his mouth; instead he runs his fingers through his hair before picking it up in his fist.

He throws his head back as Hanzo cups his balls, and when his hips buck as Hanzo runs his tongue over his slit, he pulls on Hanzo's hair. Hanzo looks up at him, the head of Jesse's cock brushes against his cheek as a frown crosses his features; apparently annoyed that Jesse ended the blowjob session.

"Goddamn you are beautiful," Jesse breathes, looking at Hanzo's spit slick lips. His frown eases into a smirk, single eyebrow raised and Jesse hums, "Yeah, I'm one lucky sonofabitch."

"Who is overdressed," Hanzo adds, standing to full height. Calloused fingertips explore Jesse's hips, leaving a prickly trail in their wake. Jesse's undershirt is hiked up, and grabbing the hem Jesse flicks that over his head in one fluid motion, dropping it to the ground.

Firm hands squeeze Jesse's pecs as he works to get his boots off. "I have missed these," Hanzo breathes, giving his pecs another firm squeeze. Fingers ghost the carpet of chest hair between his pecs, and the look of absolute joy on Hanzo's face as he licks his lips is fucking adorable. 

One boot off, Jesse tosses it against the wall with a thud as he steps out of his jeans and underwear. The spur jangles to a slow stop as he works on the other.

A moan escapes Jesse's lips when Hanzo leans in, mouth pressed to a nipple, tonguing over the bud. Jesse brings his flesh hand to the back of Hanzo's head, partly to keep Hanzo in place, partly so he doesn't lose his balance. The second boot finally off, it meets the other on floor behind him. He steps out of his pants and underwear, kicking them aside before slipping off his socks, dropping them to the ground beside him. 

Sitting back on Jesse's serape on the table, Hanzo glances at the lube, picking it up and flicking the cap. He pours the viscous liquid onto two fingers, closing the lid and placing it back on the table. With his clean hand, Hanzo places a hand on the small of Jesse's back, pulling him in close before his hands dips, grabbing his ass and spreading him as he probes his entrance with one lubed up finger to start, pushing in until knuckle deep. After a few slow penetrations, he adds a second finger, scissoring. Giving Jesse's ass cheek a firm squeeze, Hanzo trails his hand over Jesse's hip, grabbing his cock from the base and matching the slow rhythm with his penetrations.

Jesse hums, but if Hanzo keeps that up he'll come apart here, and it's just too early in the night for this to end. Placing a hand under Hanzo's chin and prompting him to look up, Jesse whispers, "Naw, hannybee, I wanna watch you jerk off for a bit."

Biting his lip, Hanzo lets go of Jesse's cock, grabbing his own and tugging. 

Jesse's knees weaken watching his man masturbate. Steadying himself with both hands on Hanzo's shoulders, he finds himself rolling his hips with each penetration, essentially fucking Hanzo's fingers. His hips jerk when Hanzo's fingertips brush against his prostate, he's certain he won't last much longer if they keep going like this. 

Hands cupping Hanzo's face, Jesse kisses his forehead. "I'm gonna come apart all over you right here right now if we keep on goin' like this," Jesse whispers, lips fluttering against Hanzo's hairline.

When Hanzo withdraws his fingers, Jesse pulls him to standing, kissing him hard. Hanzo drapes his arms around Jesse's neck, and it's all the invitation Jesse needs to pick Hanzo up, hands on the backs of his thighs as Hanzo wraps his legs around Jesse's waist. 

Jesse climbs on the table, lying Hanzo flat on the serape. When Hanzo relinquishes his grasp and lies down, Jesse grabs the bottle of lube, flicking the cap and pouring a generous amount down Hanzo's length before spreading it. Jesse shuffles forward, knees on either side of Hanzo's waist as he takes hold of Hanzo's cock, lining it at his entrance and pushing down slowly.

He shivers as he sits on Hanzo. He really had missed feeling Hanzo inside him; his own fingers are always not enough. He rolls his hips, starting a slow pace as Hanzo meets him with each thrust, increasing the pace when Hanzo's grip on his hips tightens. 

Jesse grabs himself with his lubed up hand, pulling to match his rhythm. Pleasure building in his core fast, he bites his lip. He looks at the man beneath him, eyes fluttering closed and lips parted. Jesse’s gone three weeks without Hanzo, and right now wants as much body contact as he can get. "Sit up," Jesse breathes, letting go of himself and placing his hands on Hanzo's waist as he rests his weight on his elbows.

They take a moment to shuffle and shift to get Hanzo to sitting. Jesse presses his body against Hanzo's, holding the man in a tight embrace. His cock pressed between their bodies, he rolls his hips again, putting his weight on his knees before sitting back down, the friction between their bodies tantalising. 

He buries his head in the crook of of Hanzo's neck, breathing in his natural smell. Hanzo grabs Jesse's ass, squeezing the muscle and guiding the thrusts. Teetering on the edge of orgasm, Jesse holds Hanzo tighter, the briefing room fills with his moans. 

His world comes crashing down when he hears a shriek behind him. He starts, the jerking enough to send him over the edge, his orgasm shooting up their chests. Hanzo's hands shoot up from his ass to his waist, his grip tight.

Glancing over his shoulder, he sees Ana and Genji in the doorway. Late dinner of salad in her hands, Ana has a look of complete mortification on her face, her jaw hanging as they make eye contact, a piece of lettuce falls from her mouth. 

In a panic, Jesse pulls his hat from beside him and uses it to cover his backside; not that they hadn't already seen everything there was to see. He feels Hanzo's hand on top of his, and that's invitation enough for Jesse to take back his hand and wrap his arm around Hanzo, holding him tight and sparing him from this humiliation.

Appearing as if Ana is about to lose her grasp on the salad, Genji places a hand on the bottom of the container to stop it from tumbling. She tightens her grip and holds it close to her chest as Genji looks from the salad to Jesse. "Right in front of Ana's salad?!" He yells in full disbelief. "AGAIN?!"

Ana whips around, looking at Genji. "What do you mean again?!"

"Fuck me," Jesse whispers, wishing the table would open up and swallow them whole. Jesse buries his head in the crook of Hanzo's neck once more. 

“I believe I just did,” Hanzo whispers, and it takes more effort than required for Jesse to contain his chuckle.

"You two have about as much shame as Jack and Gabe," Ana says, exasperated. "None." She inhales and exhales deeply. "At least you had the sense to lie something down on the table."

"Some privacy, please?!" Jesse says, refusing to look at them.

"Ana was looking for her comm," Genji starts. Jesse could hear the smile on his face. "I don't suppose you've seen it?"

"No we haven't fucking seen it," Jesse bites back. Then he remembers the sound of something clattering on the floor when they got started. He huffs. "Just give us a few minutes and I'll bring it out. I think it's on the floor."

"Just leave it in my office," Ana says. Her voice is quieter, Jesse suspects she might have turned around. He's too embarrassed to glance over his shoulder.

"Sure thing, boss."

"And make sure you wipe down the table when you're done. Some of us bring food to briefings and eat on that table."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that ever again," Genji says with a groan.

"And in the morning I expect the two of you in my office. We need to discuss this apparent issue of my salad being involved in another incident."

"All right," Jesse says quiet. "Privacy, please?"

Jesse hears their footsteps exit the room and the door slide close. He waits a few more moments before glancing over his shoulder, confirming they are alone in the room. He looks at Hanzo. "You okay?"

Hanzo smirks. "I am fine."

"Did you..."

Hanzo nods. "When they walked in." 

"We should really make sure doors are locked before having sex in public places."

"I would assume Athena would override locked doors in communal areas," Hanzo says, voice louder.

_ "You are correct in that assumption, Agent Shimada." _

Hanzo chuckles. "I knew I had locked the door."

Jesse hums. "All right, how about we cool it on the public sex, then. We might be in for it tomorrow, and I'd guess the cat'll be out of the bag. Genji won't be able to keep this one under wraps, not when he's got Ana as a witness."

Hanzo pouts, jutting his lower lip and it is the most adorable thing in the world. "For a little while," he compromises.

Smiling, Jesse kisses Hanzo's forehead. He can't say no to his man. "Sure, hannybee."

**Author's Note:**

> As always, practice safe sex, folks! Preferably in the comfort of your bedroom, you're less likely to be disturbed there ;-).
> 
> Also a massive thanks to Kalikuks for letting me use their HC of Hanzo pulling Jesse by the belt buckle.
> 
> Jesse's dick appointment thought brought to you by the folks on discord. 
> 
> R76 mention brought to you by Magisey!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read!
> 
> And I'm also on the [Tumblr!](https://chilliebean5.tumblr.com/) Come say hi!


End file.
